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As most of y'all know, I love to plan. It's how I get excited about things. I mean, I'm totally down for a spontaneous adventure almost always, but if it's something important (like a 4+ month trip abroad) I have lists and charts and maps e'erywhere. But this time I didn't. I bought a one-way ticket and made a packing list. That was about it. If I hadn't been getting emails from API I probably wouldn't have finished my paperwork or had a place to stay.
But Katie, this is the trip of a lifetime, what if you miss something? Why didn't you plan anything else? Read all the books? Google compulsively?
Here's why: this summer I sustained a moderately severe concussion. It wasn't enough to send me to the ER, but it was enough to take me out of my regularly scheduled life all summer. Since the concussion, focus has been difficult, and conversing has been frustrating because I can't make my tongue form the sentences my brain thinks up. I wasn't able to drive pretty much all summer, and for the first 2 months I was on a "don't watch any tv or read books or look at your cell phone or be in bright places or come to think of it just don't look at anything" kind of concussion watch. It's been a really tough summer.
But I was so determined to get here, that my opportunity wouldn't go to waste, that I pushed myself hard. I took 4 hours of Spanish a day and studied outside of that. I filled out a forest of paperwork for various offices at my school. I almost pretended like the concussion was gone because I hated it so much. I still do. I hate people asking me how I feel or looking at my like I'm a vase sitting on the edge of the table.
So, for the first few days here, I ignored it completely. I didn't tell anyone. But then I started to feel sick all the time. And dinner was a contest to see how long I could sit and converse without passing out. I popped pain pills like tic-tacs. And yet I didn't stop pushing myself. It's a very interesting phenomenon how we can expect to lose all of our mental and physical problems just from changing locations.
What made me realize that I can't ignore this was an email from my dad. My roommate and I discovered that we were both scuba certified the other night, and we got so excited to dive together! So I emailed him and asked for him to send the card to me. The response? I called PADI and your doctor, you can't scuba for 1-3 years. 1-3 YEARS?! That's so long!! I left the county, I was injured for 3 months, I'm done now.
But that's not how it works. My brain is still my brain, just in a different country. In fact, the concussion is probably worse because in this country they spend so much more time outside the home than we do, and people are louder, and there are more things to see. But what I've been realizing, is that it's not about changing location, it's about changing perspective. I could spend all my effort hating my brain, and ignoring my symptoms, going out, staying at clubs until 6am, walking around the city all day, or I could spend my time enjoying what I do see. Loving the time I get to spend with my new friends. I'm realizing that my time here isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. I don't have to see all the things RIGHT MEOW, I can see a few a day. I have 4 months left in this beautiful city, and while I'm so excited that I want to see everything immediately, I can wait on most things. I just need to do what's right for me. Hopefully someday I can come back and do the things I miss or don't get into as deeply. And all of the scuba diving. But that's not my concern right now; today I'm just going to enjoy today.
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I know this was a long one, so if you stuck with it to the end, thank you. I don't want you to worry about me, I'm taking care of myself now. I haven't had pain pills in a few days, and I'm enjoying life just as much. If you want to help, pray for me. But worrying does us no good; let's just put it in God's hands.
Much Love! - Katie
Philippians 4:6-7, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."
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